Life is a constant change

I don’t know how to explain it, but I can feel myself changing.  I find myself looking at things differently lately.  Why?  Who knows, but I think it is for the better.

I have a great life.  Sure, I have worries and concerns, but things always seem to work out in the end.  I wish I could say for the better every time, but this isn’t Disneyland, this is real life.  But whatever happens, I deal with it.  And it seems like I have been dealing with a lot lately. 

Life is a constant change.  We learn something new everyday.  Some days we learn something interesting or profound, and other days we learn something we didn’t want to know, or wish we would soon forget. 

I’m sorry if this post seems puzzling and cryptic, because that is exactly what it is.  I hope I can share more in the near future, but again, things are constantly changing. 

I gotta go.

I just won, “A Major Award”

“Fragile”.  It might be italian.  It might be a bowling alley.  They could send the deed.  Or it might be a game used jersey of my favorite player.  Better yet, it could be a trip to see the Diamondbacks play the Padres in San Diego.  Or how cool would it be to step foot on the field and take batting practice with Mark Reynolds.  Or shag fly balls in the outfield with Chris Young. 

Nope.  I get to get up at the ass-crack of dawn, then drive my tired ass 35 miles down town to eat breakfast with and hang out with Ron and Wolfe.  Now don’t get me wrong.  It is an honor to win, and get to do this.  But WTF?  Anyone who knows me, or has been into my Man Room knows, I LOVE autographs and game used stuff. 

I seem to be so close lately.  But I never quite make it to the point when I get to drink from the Lord Stanley’s Cup.  Things have been so weird as of late.  I get so close, then it gets pulled out from under me. 

O well.  I’m sure it is going to be fun.  But not as fun as what I would have won if they pulled my name tomorrow.  All that you get is a trip to the 2010 Baseball All Star Game in Anaheim.  Yep, round trip airfare, hotel, the Home Run Derby, Futures Game, and the All Star Game. 

Never a bride. 

Gotta go.

Vacation, it’s just like crack

It had been almost exactly 2 years since my last vacation.  Sure, I had a long weekend in Disneyland with the family since then, but two years is a long time for a real vacation, abroad, with the Schlampes.

Let me explain myself a little bit here. 

2005:  Cruise to Cabo SanLucas, Mazatlan, & Puerto Vallarta

2006:  New York City, London, & Paris

2007:  Munich Germany, Salzburg Austria

2008:  Nothing.  It was so hard.  I went through withdrawals.  I started drinking. 

Then came last week.

2009:  Cruise to Key West, Cayman Islands, & Jamaica.  Not as good as Europe, but I’ll take it.

Ever year, we vacation with our best friends, the Schlampes.  We go way back.  Actually, April and Mrs. Schlampe go back as far as High School.  O the stories they can tell. 

Anyways, by sheer luck, we both ended up on the same cruise in 2005.  That is when it all began.

By 2006, April and I decided we wanted to go to London.  Try watching “Passport to Europe with Samantha Brown”, ”Rick Steves”, ”Burt Wolfe” or any other show on the Travel Channel.  I guarantee, you will start planning your trip.  That is what happened to us.

A few weeks after we got home from our Mexican Cruise, we started to plan our trip to London.  April mentioned to Mrs. Schlampe that we were planning the trip, and she jumped on board.  The rest is history.

I was never one to want to travel.  The United States is a big place.  I didn’t have much of a desire to travel at all, let alone to Europe.  However, that first trip to London changed everything.  Now I am hooked.  I am like a crack whore sucking on a European pipe!  I am addicted!

It has been almost a week since I got home from the Caribbean.  Cruises are fun, and relaxing.  However, I still prefer old history.  I still prefer Europe.  I do feel much better and relaxed than before I left.  It must have been all the beer.  No, it’s not from the Ganja.  (Does second hand smoke count?)   

So what now?  I’ll tell you.  I’m already planning for 2010.  I feel like there is a void in my life unless I have a trip to plan.  So on the final night of our Caribbean Cruise, we sealed the deal.  (Long story, and one I don’t want to talk about).  That night, we all agreed on the location for our 2010 Vacation. 

Come this time next year, April and I, along with The Schlampes are heading to Amsterdam!  No, not for the Ganja, but for a 10 day trip trough the Tulips of Amsterdam, and the Breweries of Belgium, and another destination (yet to be determined) in Europe.

God, I feel so much better.  Now I have something to do.  I get to plan a Eurotrip once again. 

Gotta go.

O My GOD, O My GOD!!!!

I am sitting in the airport, waiting for party to start.  It isn’t even 8 am yet, and I already need a drink.  I am searching for an open bar, so I can get good and lit, so I don”t have to listen to the little bastard scream “O my god, O my God, O my God” at the top of his lungs every 39 seconds. 

He is doing this in the terminal, right in front of us, his parents, and about 500 other people in here.  Are the parents asking him to use his “inside voice”?  Nope!

I got gotta get on a plane now,  More later.

I have met the world’s most aggraviting person. That is why I drink!

Call the news.  Set up the press conference.  I have made the world’s biggest find since Bigfoot.  Actually, it was a costume, but still.  And now, I have wasted the last 3 weeks of my life for absolutely nothing.

So, I have been showing this person, lets call him “Capt. Dickhead”.  Well, Capt. Dickhead wants to buy a house.  He has been looking for months now, but justr can’t seem to commit to one.  He has made offer after offer, and purchase after purchase.  And as of 7 minutes ago, we still don’t have a valid contract. 

I was referred to Capt. Dickhead by a mutual friend.  The Capt. was having some problems finding the right house with a Realtor friend he has been using.  So, the mutual friend gave him my number and told him I would be able to help him out.  Since I am so cool, and a kick ass Realtor, I decided to do it.  Honestly, I can’t tell you if that was the right decision or not. 

So we hit the road, and start showing houses.  Every other night, for 2 to 3 hours, we are in and out of houses that he doesn’t like.  And I keep wondering to myself, “What does this guy want”?  After a week of looking up houses the fit into his description, I realize that what he wants, isnt’t what he told me.  What he is looking for is a house from Scottsdale, at Surprise prices.  (For those of you unaware of the price points in the Phoenix market, He wants a $500,000 home for $250,000). 

As the weeks grew on, we found ourselves looking at more and more expensive houses.  Honestly, I don’t think he can afford them.  But he assures me he can.  So I keep searching, and showing him houses that he doesn’t like for some reason or another. 

Then it happened.  Last week, we found a house.  I couldn’t believe it.  He actually put down earnest money on a house.  I was dumbfounded.  However, in the back of my mind, I was still leery.  He still had 3 days to back out.  And I was sure he would.  Hell, he had backed out of the last 6 he wanted to make an offer on. 

Ic an honestly tell you, that I have never spent as much time on a phone as I have this week.  Even after we agreed on the terms for the home he was buying, he kept asking for more, and more, and even more.  So much, that the contract had to be rewritten, twice! 

Then it happened.  A few minutes ago, I got the call.  I can tell you that I am not surprised.  I am not in the least bit shocked.  He backed out of the deal.  A deal 95% of people would kill to get. 

This is a beautiful, brand new home.  It had been discounted $25,000.  Then I got another $20,000 in free upgrades.  Then, I got another $1500 in free upgrades after Capt. Dickhead wanted to back out.  Then I got another $2500 in discounts after Capt. Dickhead got cold feet.  Then I got the date pushed back, then I got another $1500 in discounts.  In the end, he backed out of a brand new home that he was going to get for  $25,500 less than his neighbors just paid for the same exact home.   

Why?  I don’t know.  And all this after I spent the last day trying to figure out how to get him out of another agreement he made with another Realtor!  Yes, he is so non-committal, that he was using 2 Realtors.  I found out that he had made offers on other houses with this other Realtor while I was showing him houses.  And to top it off, he told the other Realtor that he signed a contract on a house with me. 

Wait, it gets better. 

He singed an Agent/Broker agreement with this other Realtor and didn’t know, or didn’t bother to tell me.  What dies that mean?  It means that after the three weeks of showing, and 5 offers, and 3 contracts, that if he actually closed on a house, I wouldn’t get paid.  Nope!  My entire commission check would go to the other Realtor, and I would get “Jack Shit”!

So, s of 12 minutes ago, he backed out of the deal.  And now I get to spend another day showing him houses he isn’t going to like.  And I’m sure he is going to buy a house while I am on a boat somewhere in the middle of the ocean in 7 days.

I know I said I was going to be posting on a regular basis.  I had planned on it.  But now you know why I haven’t been keeping my part of the deal.  God willing, this will all be over soon! 

I gotta go.  I need to find some houses.

Mission Statement

The internet is full of blogs.  I know, I have wasted many hours reading them.  Time just wasted away.  I decided that I don’t want mine to be one of those blogs that makes you dumb(er) for reading it. 

So if you are a fan of Nascar, Paris Hilton, U2, PETA, The Lifetime Network, politics, woman named Gloria (Allred or Steinem), or the evil Facebook, this isn’t the blog for you.  You are better off wasting your time on MTV.com reading about whatever Bono or the cast of The Hills is trying to save this week.    

However, if you find inner happiness laughing at other people’s expense, you have come to the right place.  If you like to drink beer, watch espn, playing devil’s advocate, and make smart ass comments, welcome home.

I have a confession

I have been cheating.  Yes, you read that right, I have been cheating on you with another blog.  For the past year, I have been moonlighting as a big and famous blog writer.  I have been writing some amazing, and influential post on a kick ass blog somewhere out there on the world wide web.  In my world, I am kind of a big deal. 

I’m sure this is where you are expecting me to tell you what it is called, but that isn’t going happen.  Sorry, I just can’t do it.  There is just way too much information on there to share with you all.  I’m sorry, but that is the way our relationship is going to be. 

So what does that have to do with this?  I really don’t know.  No, that’s a lie.  Because of that blog, I have decided to spend more time here.  Because of my other amazing blog, I have decided to share with all of you, my amazing blog writing ablility. 

Starting tomorrow, I will start writing here on a regular basis.  I realized this week that I have way too many stories and opinions that just don’t fit into my other blog.  Why should I waste them, and not share them with the world?.  I have a sharp tongue, and a quick mind.  I have been known to throw some zingers on a regular basis.   

So get ready to add me to your, “Blogs I follow” section, because I know you will be back. 

-Gotta go.

I have a temper because I am human

We have all heard it.  He has that Irish Temper.  She is a feisty Puerto Rican.  My Italian temper gets me in trouble.  Don’t piss him off, he has aGerman temper.  Blah, blah, blah…..I get it, you have a temper.  Everyone has a temper.  Even Canadians have a temper, but I don’t hear them talking about it.    But I’m sure I will soon.  Because it is the thing to blame lately. 

I can’t tell you how many times I heard someone blame their temper on their culture, race, or religion last week.  I got tired of watching people get pissed off for the simple reason they have some sort of ethnic blood running through their veins.  When did people become so stupid?  I think it started with the inception, because they are the ones who get mad over stupid crap.

How about this, they got mad because they have a temper, period!  Could they be funny because you they are Russian?  What ever happened to yAKOV Smirnoff?  Or do they become sad easily because they have an Asian heritage? 

What happens if one of your parents is German, and the other is Mexican?  Do you have an even bigger temper?  By their reasoning, they would.  However, I will tell you from experience, it isn’t the case.  How about this, people have a temper because they are human.  Or mabey they have a temper because they have a temper.

In my opinion, they are just assholes.

Open for Buisness

UBERWEAR is open for business.  I have been feverishly working on this for a month or more.  Hence the slacking when it comes to blog posts.  There has been so much to do.  Setting up the LLC.  Registering with the State.  Creating logos.  Registering domain names.  Setting up email accounts.  O, and buying the equipment. 

The 3 logos above are the first draft.  Every shirt I make will have the UBERWEAR logo on the back.  I am posting these so I can get a little feedback.  I want to keep it a single color, and simple.  There will me more elaborate logos later, but I need something to work with now.  So, what do you think?

I am in the process of making some custom shirts for some of my friends.  By next week, they will hit the street, wearing them.  If you come up with an idea, that I end up using, I will make a t-shirt for you.  That is the least I can do. 

So that is part “A” of my big business secret.  More later.

-Gotta go.

Party On

Yes, we are having a party tonight.  It is going to be a serious, call the cops kind of party. And I won’t consider it a success until someone either has sex, or throws up in my bathroom.  Last time, everyone waited to get home before they did either, or both.

I have been cleaning my Man Room for the last few days.  I never seem to get much done because there is always something cool to watch, or a new beer to drink, or something autographed to try to find a spot for.  But I did it.  I am done.  Now I have a few hours to play some Xbox 360!

On a side note:

Tonight is kind of a big deal.  No, it isn’t because we are having a party for 40 of our closest friends.  And no, it isn’t because I have 3 amazing beers on tap for the evening.  Tonight is a big deal, because the last party we had, is when I started my blog.

I know it hasn’t been that busy here.  The busy one is me.  Not to mention that I sometimes have a little problem holding my tongue.  O the stories I could tell.  But I’m not allowed to do that. 

Come tomorrow, I am sure I will have a few wild tales to tell.  I do have a few posts written, but I need to edit the names out to protect the guilty.

-Gotta go.